I breaking up a 5-year relationship when I still love her.

So let’s go. That is my first article, my first blog piece that I write and it is even not in my born language. But I decided that I should try it anyway, starting bad is much better than not start.

I decide to write about the moment of my life that I passing through now, to be more specific, in my relationship.

Exactly yesterday I asked for a time alone to my 5-year girlfriend, that I need to be alone for some time, and that result actually in a break-up. Actually, she understands, but she founds, and I agree, that we should make this full. If I need time alone to find myself, or to find if I really love her, we should make it whole.

So past a day, and I already regret it. But how much that regret is out of comfort zone and how much is the feeling that I messing up everything?

But there are the reasons that I asked for that break up to think about my life.

As an entrepreneur in Brazil, I used to be off my comfort zone. Things are rough around here, and I have some points.

Life goal

I don’t think couples must have the same life goals to make it right, but when the difference is so big?

As an entrepreneur, I like a business. Actually, I love to see people using and enjoying things that I made for them, that make my eyes shine.

She, on the other way, doesn’t see too much value in that. She wants to be a public agent. Here in Brazil to work for the government, in most cases, you should pass on an exam, and that’s all. Looks easy when I say that, but with few spots and a huge amount of candidates, that’s not easy at all. And that’s is the standard way to carry your life in Brazil, we could compare that with the American dream, but like the Brazilian dream, with less glory.

But as I said, as a businessman, I don’t like that standard way. I want to make much more and new things, unlike the standard way. It riskier, but the rewards are greater.

In summary, I want to take the risk to be big, to make some difference in that world. And she wants a standard life, like anyone.

Maybe she puts me down

That’s a maybe. I don’t really know how much that happens, but I already caught myself thinking about situations where I was criticized for having an idea of a business. Was told to enjoy that thing I create and stop to think about earning money with everything I do.

So I caught up thinking, maybe she is putting me down.

And with that, there’s another point. I receive a soft pressure like always to attend events like in the middle of the week. I am in a moment of my life focused on my job. I have a goal to “retire” early, only work for fun and not for money anymore. So attending a 2-day event on Tuesday is a no-go for me. And I receive a soft pressure every time for that. What is soft pressure? It is the situation I call when she tells me that I do not need to go to that event, or I do not need to watch that movie, but she will be sad if do not go.

I think that actually resumes to, she has too much free time and I have too little right now. And that takes us to the third point of why that.

Self-improvement

I put my mind and my daily routine focused on efficiency and a state of self-improvement. Every time I had to spare I spent on anything that makes me better than I was yesterday, and that’s maybe the reason because I do not too much free time.

And she stopped in time. After the pandemics hit us, she focused her time to study for exams, gain some time because now she makes home office, and most waste her spare time with Instagram, Youtube, or other social media, you name it. And to not be unfair, she likes to read fictional books too.

But where the self-improvement. Where the new skills that she could learn with that free time. I learned so much and made so much with the spare time I gain with the shift of things in pandemics that I know maybe I have grown more in the last two years than the rest of my entire life. And I felt genuinely that she stagnated, and don’t want to improve. Every suggestion or critic that I say about that maybe I receive an upset session of her, sometimes translate that I saying that she is not good enough to me, and I don’t know what I did to make her so insecure. It’s not about good enough, is about self-improvement, is about who you want to be tomorrow, the next year, or the next decade.

I don’t know if I making it wrong. I never put pressure over her to do those things, just some suggestions here and there. But the grounds of a relationship chat about what happens, what you felling and what your expectations. But after that, you agree that what you see in that person is not glowing your eyes.

You found that, even if looks like you love her, you can’t admire her even a little bit, and her don’t want to change. It’s worth feeding that love? I dreamed in have a partner who I admire and that admires me. See how awesome that person is. But if that fades out, what is the rest? Maybe a shell that you call to love with someone that you rarely be proud of.

I don’t want or like that life of pressure and self improvement every time. But a little self-promotion is admirable. We are young and have too much to learn and grow. Should we stop here because are comfortable? I don’t think so, and maybe she did.

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Luis Felipe Nicolau

Luis Felipe Nicolau

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